MUSE: Are You a VaJayJay Nazi?

Do not deprive each other, except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, to be free for prayer, but then return to one another, so that Satan may not tempt you through your lack of self-control.
I Corinthians 7:5

It’s Friday night.  Amazingly, you’ve had dinner, put away the dishes, gotten the kids to bed, and had the chance to take a long bubble-bath, lotion your entire body and give yourself a pedicure all before 9 o’clock.  What’s even better is that the kids are asleep in their own beds on the opposite side of the house.

Finally, you think as you reach into the back of the closet where you keep your long, satin nightgowns.  You slip the black one on and it glides over your soft, fragrant skin. You stand there for just a moment to enjoy the quietness and the way the satiny fabric feels against your freshly shaven legs. You walk into your master bedroom room with the intention of starting Joel Osteen’s “Become A Better You” but your husband has another idea. 

He is sprawled across the bed, butt-booty naked ready for some action.  He didn’t even take the time to dry off, so those clean, five-hundred-count, Egyptian-cotton sheets you couldn’t wait to snuggle into are wet.  Your mood is broken. 

You are pissed; about the sheets, because he did not help with dinner or the boys.  Well, he helped with the boys but not the way you wanted him to.  You are kind of horny and you love making love to him but he has to be punished.  Suddenly, you come down with a headache, curl into the fetal position, and fall fast asleep thinking:

 “No VaJayJay for you! Come back in 1 week and maybe, just maybe I’ll be horny enough to give you some.”

Ladies, this is wrong.  If you are healthy and married, please give the man some.  There are women waiting to give him some if you slip up.  I know that he is married but you are too.  Part of marriage is sex.  If you didn’t want to have sex then you probably shouldn’t have gotten married. Communicate and deal with your issues.  Sometimes the act of sex can open up both parties and make it easier for other needs, wants, and desires to be fulfilled. 

Before Michael Richards (Kramer) made the grave mistake of using the “N” word on stage at a famous, L.A. comedy club in November of 2006 I was a huge Seinfeld fan.  Since the incident, I have not watched one episode.  But, the way we withhold sex from our husbands make me think of the Soup Nazi. 

So, the next time you think about withholding sex from your husband.  Please imagine yourself standing on your side of the bed all dolled up, smelling and looking like you just stepped out of Victoria’s Secret with your husband standing before you, hungry, waiting to be served or to serve you. 

What will you do when he goes around town looking, begging for soup like Elaine did in that infamous episode?


MUSE: OJ Didn't Do It … Himself

NFL Legend, O. J. Simpson, is in court yet again.  This time he is not fighting against murder charges but against a laundry list of charges including armed robbery, kidnapping with a weapon and conspiracy.  

However, this post has absolutely nothing to do with that.  Have we really considered that O. J. may not have gotten away with murders he committed himself? 

I think about the glove, the evidence, etc. – a man in a rage would have been messy.  I even think of the recent episode of Oprah where the ghost writer of “If I did it”, Pablo Fenjves, claims that O. J. said something about how “the dog wagged his tail” when it saw Goldman.  If in fact O. J. became upset about the do and become enraged, he would have been loud, cussing, and hissing.  The neighbors only heard a dog barking.That is so weird to me.  

Is it possible that O. J. was snooping around one day and saw Goldman and Nicole together and realized that the dog knew Goldman?  Maybe then he became upset and hired someone to get rid of Nicole.  Unfortunately, Ron may have gotten caught in the crossfire. 

What do you think?